Many of the initial phone calls and emails to RosieMoves come from the "kids" of our Senior clients--Boomers and other adult 'children' who are suddenly faced with the prospect of moving one or both parents to a retirement or senior living community. Sometimes they have been considering such a move for a while, and sometimes the move is caused by an urgency such as a fall or other health issue.
The most common reasons for deciding to move a parent are:
- the parent has health issues that mandate a move
- the parent's house has become difficult to maintain and/or navigate
- the parent is not taking medications properly
- the parent has memory issues
- the parent has become isolated and needs a more social environment
- the parent's neighborhood has changed and is no longer familiar
- the child and/or parent would like for the parent to be in a place where s/he can receive help if needed.
These are all very common situations, and they are going to occur more often as people age and live longer.
It can be a very tense time for both parent and child. While the child may need to take on the role of parent and help with decisions, parents typically do not like it when their 'child' tells them what to do! And as bad as it sounds, the goal of the 'child' in this situation cannot be to make sure that 'mama is happy'--the goal must be to make sure that mama is safe and well cared for. This can be enormously hard to realize, since most adult children feel guilty about having to make the decision at all. Remember: when you needed care and guidance as a child, your parents did what they knew was best for you, not what they knew would make you 'happy'. Now it's your turn to take the same loving, firm stand with them.
Along with the parents leaving their old life/style behind, the grown children may also be losing the house in which they were raised. The image of the family as it has been throughout the years is changing for everyone concerned, and it can be a huge adjustment. Things can deteriorate in a hurry.
One of the most valuable services that we offer is not found on our Menu. It's the fact that when we handle a move for the parents, it also helps the children. We take the physical work off of the family's mind, of course, but it is amazing how letting someone else handle such an emotional move helps take the tension and stress out of it. I always suggest that the kids take the parents out to lunch, or shopping, or just for a visit, on moving day. Spending the time together in a pleasurable way instead of arguing over whether Mom is taking too many clothes or whether Dad really needs all of those tools sets a positive tone for a new lifestyle.
When the parents arrive at their new place at the end of moving day, they are 'home', and the most common reaction I see is one of pleased surprise and relief. They are pleased because everything is set up and ready for them, and they are relieved because their new place really does look and feel like "home" and not like a generic apartment. This reaction has the added benefit of calming everyone's fears about the new lifestyle.
Many people—especially seniors—are confused and anxious when the time comes to move. Emotions and practicality are often at odds with each other during such an upheaval. The nostalgia of the memories made in a home competes with the practical and sometimes urgent reasons for leaving it. And of course, just making the decision to move is a major undertaking.
Moving is hard, physically and emotionally; in fact it is so hard that many people put it off until their living situation becomes unsafe or intolerable. The best time for your parents to move is while they are still in good health and able to enjoy all of the things that their new environment has to offer.
There are many fine retirement communities in the Birmingham and Central Alabama area. Some of them are listed below. If you are a 'child' trying to make decisions about moving your parents, call us and let's talk. Together we will design a plan to help your parents move into a place that they will be happy to call home!
Links:
Michelle Urban: Social Security & Medicaid issues
Birmingham, AL area Retirement Communities:
Suggested Reading:
The Boomer Burden: Dealing with your parents' lifetime accumulation of stuff
Organizing From the Inside Out
ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life